On November 2nd, 2019 Diana Coman kindly invited me to come out of the shadows. I'll do my best here to abide her counsel and not beat myself too black and blue. It has taken me 1646 days, or 4 years, 6 months and 3 days or approximately 240511 Bitcoin blocks(i) to finally come clean, fully into the light.(ii)
I'm fully aware this isn't the first time I've written an article like this, there was that microblog on the Ides of March, 2020, there was From the shadows of an Indian summer and there was Little by little, a little less retarded and likely a lot more I'm not recalling offhand. It is comparatively easier to make heroic gestures than to abide by the results, indeed. That being said, now I'm ready to bring it.
My name is Robinson Michael Dorion, born in Rutland, Vermont on February 25th, 1990 ; son of Michael John Dorion and Rhona Jane Smith and elder brother of Allison Christina Dorion ; identified by RSA key with PGP fingerprint 54CCA1FC8C2E414C63BFB6CF0E48266E54D6B95A.
My worst enemy has always slept in the same bed as me, and I've had myself this disease has had me by the throat for way too long. I'm finally ready to kill this stupidity on sight, channeling Bill the Butcher and own myself.
I've been a fraud.
What do I mean ?
People have tended to assume I have lots of money and I've let them believe it, but it's not true. Yes, people are free to assume whatever they please, but I think this incongurence of persona and reality have retarded my growth.
It's true that I have lots of high value capital, it's true I have several high value deals in the pipeline, it's true that I have a great network, but I've been managing it all poorly(iii) to the point that a part of me is shocked it hasn't already completely exploded. This poor management, unsurprisingly, hasn't been limited to my external relationships. For example, I sat on some kind of infection that produced a painful abscess on my left ass cheek that I left untreated for months -- MONTHS !!! -- before I finally paid the fifty something bucks for the examination and proscribed antibiotic and steroid cream that quite effectively cleared it all up.
So, now that I've made my stupidity public, now that I'm being fully honest, I can do the work I need to do to reclaim my birthright ; to live up to and payback with interest the credit, the love, people have extended me. Last night was my final night of merely existing in the shadows as the hostis humani generis the toxic environment I was born into conditioned me to be, tossing into the gutter all that support extended to me by those who've loved me more than I've loved myself. Today is the first day I fully live as a thinking human being.
Talk is cheap. So watch as I work through healing myself of this illness on these pages, responsibly and effectually, like a lord, waging total war until the complete the evisceration of this deeply rooted enemy, if it pleases you. While this is a individual matter only I can resolve, I warmly welcome all comments, questions, consejos, criticisms, witticisms, sarcasms, ALL CAPITALISMS, trolls and lolz in the comment boxen below the articles.
So help me my own intelligence and cursed be my own stupidity that is holding me back !
In liberty, with love, aho !
Alea iacta est.
- 842050-601539, during which the block subsidy halved twice. [^]
- I'm publishing this on May 5th, but the decision was made as I was puking my guts out the morning of May 4th in the wake of my 8th Ayahuasca ceremony and 7th under the guidance of Taita Tambo. I shared this decision with some of my peers there. I was signed up for Friday and Saturday night, but upon reaching this clarity Saturday morning, I decided to go home and get to work acting out the lesson. As Watts advises, "If you get the message, hang up the phone. For psychedelic drugs are simply instruments, like microscopes, telescopes, and telephones. The biologist does not sit with his eye permanently glued to the microscope, he goes away and works on what he has seen." [^]
- For example, I need to lead the transformation of my network into a proper Web of Trust. [^]
[...] sounds like a useful Fabian tactic in the war I'm waging against the enemy within. When he tries to lead me astray, I will let myself laugh at [...]
Pingback by Philosophy is laughter. on Dorion Mode - A blog by Robinson Dorion. — May 6, 2024 @ 00:27
I've had medical situations similar to yours in the sense that I vastly overestimated the cost to solving a problem. Since we live close enough (i see my doctors in SJ), we can start trying to build out a network of various types of doctors.
As for misrepresenting your net worth, I can only speak for how you presented yourself to me, but truly I had no idea - from my pov you could have anywhere between 0 and 100+ coins. And I would never think to ask because I don't care much about that. Not saying your net worth is unimportant, but it's obv much more important to yourself than it is to others.
Comment by whaack — May 6, 2024 @ 01:04
I don't even think I overestimated the cost really, I think that evil part of me just wants to sink the whole ship. In any case, sounds good wrt the doctor network.
Comment by Robinson Dorion — May 6, 2024 @ 01:39
And to be clear, I never fabricated my net worth or told a number that wasn't true, I have just been coy about it.
Comment by Robinson Dorion — May 6, 2024 @ 11:13
Dorion, you are brave.
Hope you enjoy the journey of letting go what does not serves you anymore.
I would only add: try to see this part of you in a more benign light than an enemy or an illness. It is part of you, and if acknowledged, listened to and brought to light you will understand it better and learn it also wants the best for you in a non-obvious way... sit down and literally talk to it.
Thank you for your openness❤️.
Comment by Johy's — May 6, 2024 @ 12:22
Possibly the trouble is more about giving too much importance to *maintaining* others' image of you or at least their image of you with respect to net worth. It's always the "positive" images (where positive may be less straightforward than one thinks) that are the most dangerous in this sense - because you would quite like them to be true, it's easy to slip into mistaking the image for some reality and then let it interfere with everything else, getting stuck or at best limited by it indeed.
Otherwise, going from unfounded assumptions to reality, there's the usual observation that those minding the correction don't matter and those who matter don't mind it - and for good reason, namely that it's really only when working with reality that one can matter, that's about all of it.
Welcome to the sunlight. And to the end of puking, too, from what I gather!
Comment by Diana Coman — May 6, 2024 @ 13:39
@Johy's, thanks for the advice, hope you're well hermanita.
@Diana Coman
Dang, you really have a gift/honed skill for efficiency with your words. Thanks.
Thanks !
Perhaps I'm weird, but I don't even mind the puking, at least not at these ceremonies. Maybe it's because I know and accept it's part of the process and when I comes up I make sure to accept and embrace it and tell whatever toxins that are leaving to "Vete hacia el fucking conyo de tu madre !". Anyways, to me, the contractions feel like some kind of internal massage and often clarity of mind is achieved in the midst of it.
That being said, in the broader sense, I expect to end the puking --the regurgitating/projection of my trauma-- in the day to day, an end I gotta work every day to bring about. Clarity of mind through writing daily and publishing as much as possible will be more productive and enjoyable I reckon.
Comment by Robinson Dorion — May 6, 2024 @ 15:08