It struck me recently that a major cause of my outrageous behavior these past few months is that I've continued to neglect writing the articles for the fabled outlines I published through the process of applying be a Pageboy of Diana Coman and the Young Hands Club. As she observed, I spent most of my twenties finding my feet, which lead me to live in a foreign land I came to consider my home.
Then, 11 days after TMSR's closure I decided to leave the city with everything apart from my friends that couldn't be replaced to stay with my parents in the hills I grew up in. Not having written the articles in the outlines is evidence I've not thought through and processed fully those trials and tribulations. Instead of writing, publishing and moving on(i), I went on a summer vacation as if it was my childhood. I did what was easy, rather than what was correct. I literally walked in scores of loops around golf courses.
Above, from hole 7 tee box of Rutland Country Club Saturday. Below, from behind 7th green.
It has been a sunny, Indian summer stretching into September and I reverted to the shadows, even if I spent more time outside and under the sun this summer than I have in a decade plus. I'm at ground zero of where my weaknesses are rooted, but I have rested rather than working to strengthen them. I have allowed myself to atrophy and incur opportunity costs. I could think of more things to say and as I start to a lot of negatives come up, but ultimately lead me to asking, what now ?
I'm reminded of a point that was quite a surprising relief to read in the moment and to be reminded of now. What now then is to confront myself and my past, remind myself stupidity is penalized exponentially by the wise and the world with good reason, and start chipping away at writing those articles and doing what I know I have to do. By greasing my writing gears, more will be sure to follow, one simple step at a time. Tu nu poti daca nu te chinui suficient.
- While at the same time having it available to reference relatively cheaply at any future point. [^]
By the looks of it, there are worse places than that to walk about in loops! Still, even those autumn colours look and do better in the sun than in the shade.
Comment by Diana Coman — October 4, 2020 @ 18:52
It's certainly a picturesque place, people even travel here to look at the leaves. Agreed, the sun is a major value added.
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