In Britain, snap elections called by Theresa May have left her "Conservative" Party just short of the majority they enjoyed in parliament before May's decision to hold this latest round of elections three years early. With Brexit negotiations set to begin in two weeks, this outcome raises serious questions as to whether sinister continental European governments have meddled in the British election seeking an outcome like this one, favorable to the German pantsuits of "our democracy".
Category Archives: UK
New Plastic (Definitely Not Sterling) UK Pound Notes Cut Noses
Fiat turned potentially deadly this week as it was reported that some cocaine aficionados in the United Kingdom were left with nasal cuts after using the new polymer 5 pound notes to sniff the drug. Cheekily referred to as "being Winstoned" (Due to Winston Churchill's mug adorning the notes), the practice could increase the spread of infections or blood-borne pathogens if the note is used by multiple users.
Ingsoc Reintroduces Rickets To Britain
Eradicated from the Anglophone world by the end of World War II, Rickets has made a comeback in the Anglophone world. This grave form of childhood vitamin D deficiency prevents normal bone growth, and a related adult vitamin D deficiency leaves adults fragile. Likely contributing factors are "sun safety measures" and good old fashioned malnutrition.
No Longer Sterling Pound Plunges 6.1 Percent Over Two Minutes
The British pound, once but no longer sterling, fell 6.1 percent early this morning in Asian trading while the ever more lethargic and obese population of Airstrip One was sleeping. Some recovery in the exchange reported price occurred, but the fundamental value of Britain and its people continues to remain questionable.
No Arrests In Drug Drone Prison Crash And Mid-Flight Seizure
A drone carrying drugs and other contraband crashed near Her Majesty's Prison Pentonville in the United Kingdom on August 13th and later that day a second drone was seized mid mid-flight over the prison (archived). Police allegedly chased a suspicious person away from the prison and recovered drug material he allegedly ditched, but no arrests were made in the case. Peace in our time.
Brexit Fallout : Illiterate British Justice Enacts Breach of European Declaration of Human Rights into British Legal Precedent
Sir Edward James Holman, born 1947, of the High Court of England and Wales, recently had this much to say in a divorce proceeding :
I have to say that I do not find it very ediffying that people in this financial bracket should be taking up a day of court time over a sum which to them, though not to others, is objectively so small. However, agreement has not been reached and I must rule.
Leaving aside the solipsistic spelling style bestowed on the otherwise innocent word "edifying", as well as a certain unfamiliarity with its meaning apparent from context1 ; and also leaving aside the ridiculous happenstance whereby the justice out of his own free will & ineptitude published matter into the public record (a right which he has), after which out of his own delusional ignorance decided he may proceed to take it back (a right which he neither has nor could possibly acquire) – this declaration also annuls previously good law in England and Wales, specifically Article 6(1) of the ECHR :
In the determination of his civil rights and obligations or of any criminal charge against him, everyone is entitled to a fair and public hearing within a reasonable time by an independent and impartial tribunal established by law.
Apparently in the newly constructed Ingsoc Republic, successor state of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland after the latter's dissolution of its compact with the other states forming the European Union, the fundamental right of access to a fair trial by an impartial tribunal no longer applies ; instead an obscure system of quotas based on the petitioner's total wealth is to be employed.
In this novel and as of yet not fully documented approach to legal matters, a subject's total wealth – be it a pound or a billion pounds – entitles him to a fixed amount of court time. On that basis, the fractions of that wealth entitle him to fractions of that unit time, so a man who sues to recover a million when his total wealth is two million has better standing than a man who sues to recover a million when his total wealth is ten million.
It is perfectly understandable that Mr. Justice Holman has serious trouble foreseeing the necessary results of that naive policy ; but then again he also has serious trouble comprehending the apparently intricate workings of publication as a one way street; or for that matter the correct English spelling of reasonably common words.
With such great men, what need has England of any sheeps?
Edifying is that which informs in a dispositive manner. ↩
Theresa May British PM After No One Else Wants Job Following #Brexit Vote
Later this week censorious Tory Theresa May (WOT :nonperson) will be set to take over as the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom following a #Brexit inspired series of abidcations. Theresa May was selected through the incredibly democratic process where a bunch of parliament insiders gathered around and asked each other who wants the job and is registered as a member of the correct party.
During the campaign preceding the #Brexit vote May supported the "Remain" ballot option though this week she changed her position to:
"#Brexit means #Brexit"
May publicly declared however the best time to actually file the UK's action would be at the end of this year.
In addition to being a #Brexit opponent May is a supporter of the war on computing. Further her barren womb was a source of ridicule in the posturing contest that lead to her selection. Many in the mainstream anglophone press are already producing fanfic supposing that May and Hillary Rodham-Clinton (WOT:nonperson) will be the next incarnation of the Thatcher-Reagan partnership. This fanfic of course neglects the greater similarity Donald Trump-Clinton (WOT:nonperson) has with Reagan given their common careers as entertainers and spokespersons before entering politics.
Theresa May is unlikely to undertake any measures correcting previous actions on the part of the United Kingdom to regulate itself out of Bitcoin. Sorry for your laws.
"Leave" Wins UK Ballot
Voters in Airstrip One seized their opportunity with the Brexit ballot to leave the European Union. Fiat markets around the world are thrashing in the throw own blood upon news that fat Brits may soon no longer have to compete with more capable immigrants for jobs. Ingsoc Prevails!
Brexit Voting Begins
Residents of Airstrip One are taking to the polls today to determine whether their morbidly ample asses will leave the European Union. Such a move by British voters would strengthen the current German and Ottoman dominance over setting policy for the United States of Europe. Back in 2014 Scotland tried to divorce itself from the Ingoc values imposed by lower Britain, but that ballot initiative failed forcing the Scots to be passive aggressive online. Much of the pro "Brexit" appeal is focused on limiting the influx of immigrants enabled by European open borders arrangements as they are taking jobs from the fatter and less capable Brits.
1/3 Of Brits Can't See Own Penis When Standing
A third of British men have ate themselves to the point they cannot see their own penis when they are standing. Ingsoc is health!