Category Archives: Shitware

Still No Consensus Supporting Bitcoin Hardfork – Barry Silbert Pretends Otherwise To His Peril

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Barry Silbert's (WOT:nonperson) "Digital Currency Group" announced in a medium post that yet another delusion of consensus arrived in the Bitcoin scaling debate with "A conference sponsored by the Ethereum,1 Dash,2 and Ripple3 scams produces an agreement on how to scale Bitcoin". The post outlined the reasons the conference attendees believe they get to make decisions in Bitcoin, with claims of support for the proposals by:

  • 56 "companies" located in 21 countries4
  • 83.28% of hashing power5
  • 5.1 billion US dollars of monthly on chain transaction volume6
  • 20.5 million Bitcoin wallets 7

A selection of scam artists doing business as "companies" while lacking the charm necessary to fleece the elderly allege they will "provide technical and engineering support to test and support the upgrade software, as well as to assist companies with preparing for the upgrades". Noted names incapable of providing meaningful testing or support such as: the MLM BitClub Network, Ryan X. Charles' paywalled spam reader, and Gavin Assassinsen were offered as options for the forkcurious to seek support from.

  1. Not Bitcoin.  ↩

  2. Not Bitcoin.  ↩

  3. Not Bitcoin.  ↩

  4. For a very loose definition of company.  ↩

  5. Unverified and unimportant  ↩

  6. Volume denoted in wrong units ↩

  7. Entirely meaningless construction  ↩

Ryan X Charles Goes To Clearance Bin For Latest Spam As Service Offering

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Ryan X Charles (WOT:nonperson), finally cognizant that Bitcoin isn't for him has announced he will spam the Litecoin "blockchain" instead, and insists he is really going live this time around the end of the month. Because his target audience has no money, his rationale is that Litecoin is a better choice for the project as it will only cost "a few cents" per transaction providing a lower barrier of entry for his "wide audience" whom he expects to pay to read the same drivel one can find on other outlets for free. He also offered "we like Ethereum too" though that flaming-tire-in-a-shipit was not compatible with his current infrastructure, as testing vaporware on vaporware is hard. X Charles seems confident that pushing another spam as a service offering is needed in the "cryptocurrency space" with his so-called research and development providing more buzzwords.

"Cryptonote" Family Of Altcorns Suffer Infinite Printing Bug

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Developers associated with Monero have disclosed a critical bug in the "cryptonote" family of altcorn that "allows for the creation of an unlimited number of coins in a way that is undetectable to an observer unless they know about the fatal flaw and can search for it." The bug was apparently discovered as early as February and secretly patched by the Monero team, having only been revealed now as developers were waiting for the network to update before notifying other affected coins. Monero developers further assured users that the network had never been exploited using the technique, with only Monero, Aeon, Boolberry, and Forknote having applied the patch at this time. The disclosure overview concluded by cautioning anyone from using, trading, exchanging, or running services involving … Bytecoin, DashCoin, or DigitalNote. SFYL and accompanying lulz are expected as a result of these events. (archived)

Sears Takes Tool Giant TTI To Court As Suppliers Flee

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Sears, the ailing official retailer of the original American Great,1 has pre-emptively taken tool giant Techtronic Industries (TTI) to court in order to stave off inevitable supply contract renegotiations. TTI has grown to supply the bulk of power tools sold under retailer specific private label brands including many sold as part of the Craftsman brand that Sears recently sold to Stanley Black and Decker. Naturally the combination of Sears dwindling ability to pay vendors and the natural aversion to producing products for one's chief competitor has placed Techtronics in a situation that makes reconsidering its relationship with Sears desirable.

This news comes as Sears lost a five year old patent case against a smaller vendor whose product design they had ripped off and sold under their former Craftsman brand. In five short years Sears has gone from the large retailer bullying smaller vendors to the small retailer trying to bully vendors they helped to make larger than themselves.

Once again it appears that abusing a relic of the original American Great has succeeded in turning billions into millions.

  1. As opposed to the long awaited Great Again  ↩

Zooko Proposes Undermining Already Questionable Privacy Measure While Remaining Complete

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Zcash creator Zooko stated on twitter that he believes he can "successfully make Zcash too traceable for criminals … while still being completely private and fungible". Zooko seems blissfully aware of what constitutes an oxymoron instead opting to be a moron on social media by taking cues from everyone's favorite crypto scammer and snake-oil salesman Gavin Andresen.

Cost Of Running Shitware Continues Bull Run To The Moon

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A rash of ransomware attacks utilizing Microsoft exploits once exclusive to apparatus of USG oppression have crippled loyal shitware customers including the UK's socialized medical system, Fedex, and numerous banks. The rapidity with which the program known as WCry colonized Windows machines compelled Microsoft to issue security patches addressing this particular exploit for long unsupported products in an effort to stem the bleeding. The increasing effectiveness of ransomware attacks in concert with continued fiat currency malaise that threatens to take the US dollar below 1/2000th of a Bitcoin1 is driving the cost of continuing to run shitware for any purpose to the moon.

With many more exploits liberated from the cellars of the USG.NSA and USG.CIA, this front presents an incredible ongoing peril afflicting fiat interests that is unlikely to be relieved any time soon.2

  1. And beyond!!!  ↩

  2. If ever.  ↩

Fiat Ram Trucks May Smash Their Operators

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Reluctant to relinquish its tried and true status as THE day-late-dollar-short member of not yet Great Again American automakers;  Fiat Chrysler Automobiles (FCA) announced today that it would be following in the footsteps of General Motors in recalling a great many of its great trucks for a "software error" that could end in a smushy death.

Affecting RAM 1500 and 2500 trucks built from 2013-2016 as well as big mother RAM 3500 trucks built from 2014-2016, over one million units will be recalled starting next month, significantly more than the number affected by FCA's Hot Death but only a quarter of GM's numbers from 2016.

The Dodge "software error" has been implicated in at least one death to date when side airbags and seat belt pretensioners failed to activate following an underbody collision leading to a vehicle rollover. No word on whether Dodge's engineers were also responsible for bugs in other TBTF products of Not Yet Great Again. Also no word on whether Herr Trump is planning to extend his recent Executive Order to include automakers but it would be pretty sweet if he did.

Dogecointipbot Creator Admits Constant Embezzlement While Shutting Down Service: Sorry For Your Loss

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Reddit user /u/mohland, creator of Dogecointipbot, announced on the r/dogecoin subreddit Monday that he had been scamming users since at least 2015 by diverting funds deposited into into /u/dogetipbot into his own ventures and would be shutting the service down. He was quick to reassure that at least their Sorry For Your Loss wasn't due to a hack and that he was going to publish the dogecointip bot code, sure to inspire the next generation of reddit scammers, and which is ultra-secure because it "never had an external hot wallet breach in the 3.5 years we've been running". Hacks that occurred on individual reddit accounts drained the tipbot hot wallet forcing /u/mohland to admit he could no longer keep the flaming tire burning in this particular shitpit any longer. Users of the service were reporting losses in the tens of dollars.

Mohland has been forced to declare Chapter 7 bankruptcy, finally fulfilling the prophecy in Trilema where it was stated that anyone "investing" in the scheme would be dancing in the streets for nickels. The announcement closed by stating that he does not "personally hold no cryptocurrencies nor do I have any desire to in the future". Reddit users have grabbed pitchforks and threatened litigation, though in typical fashion most users will likely forget about it all by next week when the next ponzicoin grabs their attention. Sorry for your loss.

USG Asset Gavin Andresen Pretends To Meaningfully Inspect Your Random

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The erstwhile USG asset and part time mongoloid Gavin Andresen (most notable for being the trumpeted winner that lost a meanwhile unhappened contest) has put pen to paper in a most recent and most amusing assault on sanity and general human decency : randomsanity.org

This offering purports to judge the randomness of 64 bytes of data qua bytes of data. What more could be said?

21.co Opens "Spam As A Service" Service

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As previously mentioned in a Shitcoin Roundup Xtend(TM)(R), 21co has positioned itself to become the latest spam as a service by announcing the release of it's "Bitcoin Email" to the general public. 21co assures the public that "Famous people" that no one has ever heard of and aren't in the Web of Trust are currently using the product, which allows users to send such gems as surveys, tasks, and other items which normally hit your Spam folder to be sent to "curated lists of individuals and professionals". Participants are rewarded with Bitcoin shavings, or "micropayments" which is redditard jargon for individuals that don't have much actual Bitcoin. The shift in focus comes after the company failed to convince enough gullible people to shell out $400+ on their "mining hardware" that could never hope to offer a return on investment, instead now hoping to "disrupt social media networks through micropayments" which will likely be true as users will be required to click delete on 21co's proffering before resuming their visual journey through myriad cat pictures. (archived)