Category Archives: Shitware

A Quick FAQ About The Not Bitcoin fork "Bitcoin Cash"

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Q: Is "Bitcoin Cash" Bitcoin?

A: No

Q: What does Roger Ver presents "Bitcoin.com"'s backing mean?

A: It's even more likely to fail in the vein of XTCoin, ClassicCoin, and Unlimited Spam Coin which were all Roger Ver-ified scams. The "Roger Ver-ified" endorsement is a leper's mark.

Q: But "Bitcoin Cash" futures appear to be trading very high? How could this be?

A: Wash trading. No one with any money that counts is sending it to the only malarial (falciparum) "exchange" trading such an instrument.

Q: Why did they use Wix.com to build a website?

A: Probably because their television viewing overlaps with the middle aged woman "small businessing" demographic that Wix.com advertises to. Also they pre-emptively hate their users.

Q: Are you sorry?

A: Only for your loss.

"Higher Education" Rag Excells At Misleading Headlines

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"Inside Higher Ed", a media outlet working to advance the cultural marxist agenda in US "higher education", today published a piece with the headline:

President Apologizes For Disparaging High Schools

This clickbait headline was attached to a piece on drama related to the president of North Dakota State College of Science, a minor young adult indoctrination camp. The subject of the piece, one of thousands of other "presidents" helming similar indoctrination camps, is in fact not the elected President of the United States Donald Trump for whom the title "President" without further qualification is customarily reserved.

The outlet which claims editorial and ownership independence frequently collaborates with organs of Jeff Bezos' Washington Post Company. The elastic in pantsuit runs deep.

Pokemon Go Creators Try To Spark New Interest In Spyware Fad With Event: Nostlgia Successfully Comes From Broken Gameplay

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Niantic, developers of the game clad spyware Pokemon Go, held an event to celebrate the anniversary of their fad by holding a live event coordinating lusers in Chiraq's Union Square with other players around the world. Niantic went out of their way to provide nostalgia with an entire slew of new bugs and broken gameplay tied to the event which harkened back to the two weeks last summer in which the game had monopolized the general public's attention.1

Attendees at the Union Square portion of the event failed to nostalgiate as Niantic anticipated and instead threw tanrums. These thousands of presumed homo sapiens with a common interest failed to bond, celebrate, or find love among fellows with a shared passion for catching them all. Ever gracious, Niantic ended up making the event's prizes available and pretended not to notice their audience's failure to appreciate all of Niantic's effort towards recreating an authentic experience of the fad at its peak. According to reports, players attempting to acquire the two chicken like monsters offered as prizes for the event's "success" are frequently encountering still more nostalgia inducing bugs that make the prizes unobtainable by all but the most warped masochists.

  1. The fad's most amazing accomplishment was the thoroughness of its fall into obscurity. Despite Hillary Rodham-Clinton trying to get pantsuit voters to "Pokemon Go to the polls", neither Hillary Rodham-Clinton nor the Democratic National Committee have attempted to scapegoat Pokemon Go for Trump's ascent to the Presidency. They have however tried blaming but this forgotten fad. ↩

Miners Signal Segwit Via BIP 91 "Lock In" Avoiding "User Activated" Fork

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Miners on the Bitcoin network signaled that they would begin enforcing a new set of block acceptance rules concerning the handling of "anyone can spend" transactions, commonly referred to as "Segregated Witness". For users of the actual Bitcoin system and actual Bitcoin software, this news comes with the usual "soft fork" related increase in the risk of chainsplits and orphaned blocks. For users engaging in fringe behavior on the Bitcoin network and seeking to abuse the new "rules" surrounding the "anyone can spend" edge case, there exists incredible potential1 for "your loss".

This move by Bitcoin miners circumvents an effort advanced by assorted social engineers to attempt enforcing this new "anyone can spend" ruleset through a loud tantrum. It remains to be seen how large a pile of coins the brave and the duped are willing to amass under "anyone can spend" conditions in order to tempt miners to abandon this new "soft forked" ruleset.

  1. From Qntra, December 28th, 2015

    The chief idiocy in the Blockstream camp is that if miners decide to stop enforcing the "soft" forks that Blockstream needs, the miners are somehow on "invalid" chains. Soft fork enforcement is nothing more than a courtesy extended by miners. Should miners trigger activation of segregated witness, and a super majority of miners later decide to stop enforcing its rule set, Blockstream is out of luck. Luke-Jr's protests about the "valid" blockchain would be as impotent as his protests about the valid Pope. So long as the longest chain that wins verifies on the actual reference Bitcoin client, life goes on.

    There are hazards to artificially trying to introduce new levels of trust to a system that doesn't require it. Softforks that explicitly create an incentive for their own revocation create an extraordinary moral hazard

     ↩

Coinbase To Go On Trading Vacation With "Your" Coins Over Altcoin Fork Hysteria

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Earlier today fiat/Bitcoin interface Coinbase emailed their users warning them that their accounts will be suspended for an indefinite period of time beginning four hours prior to reddit's scheduled temper tantrum.

To ensure the safety of customers’ funds, we will temporarily suspend bitcoin [sic] deposits, withdrawals, and buy/sell starting approximately 4 hours before activation of either fork.

Back at power ranger hindquarters a graph theory revelation has occurred.

Harvard Faculty Seek To Restrict Voluntary Student Participation In Off Campus Associations

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In an effort to prevent students from associating outside the confines of the socialist indoctrination camp known as Harvard1, a committee of faculty and administrators have proposed increasing sanctions against students who join "exclusive" organizations off campus (archived). The proposed move is being marketed under the "diversity" and "inclusion" labels frequently pushed by pantsuitists, and it would impose penalties up to expulsion on students who join fraternities, sororities, and other "single gender organizations". These voluntary associations unaffiliated with Harvard have traditionally served as refuges for students unwilling to buy into the whole social program advocated by their indoctrinators.

Last year students joining these independent organization were banned from holding leadership positions in Harvard sanctioned organizations by camp Commissar Drew G. Faust (WOT:nonperson).

  1. at one point a University  ↩

Drama Heats Up As fiat/Bitcoin Interfaces Prepare For Next Round Of Fork Failures

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Reports are emerging that minor fiat/Bitcoin interfaces may suspend crediting deposits and allowing withdrawals in advance of the latest round of drama surrounding fake Bitcoin network forks. Readers are reminded that interacting with fiat tied institutions is a pursuit fraught with peril. All signs point to impending "your loss", we are very sorry.

8 Year Old Dorm Building Explodes On US Campus

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Wounded dorm buildingA natural gas explosion gutted the 8 year old Richmond Residential College dormitory at Kentucky's Murray State University. This is the second major headline grabbing fire safety failure of a government owned facility for warehousing persons this month, though claimed casualties were limited to one wounded body due to the summer break.

Information on the building's anticipated lifespan at the time it was designed in unavailable. There is a high probability that the state run University will try pass blame for the dormitory's failure off on either plumbing materials or the plumbing profession.

Poor Brits Evacuated From Their Warehousing In Green Incinerators

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Following a 30 minute apartment tower to oven conversion earlier this month which claimed at least 79 lives, thousands of impoverished Brits are being evacuated from their government sponsored storage. The Grenfell inferno that triggered the current round of evacuations was fed by flammable insulating foam cladding applied to the exterior of the building in the name of "Green" energy conservation.

As of this writing more than 4,000 people have been made internal refugees of the United Kingdom due to the government's disregard for fire safety as it pursued it's "Green" efficiency fetish while remodelling the facilities that once stored these new refugees. The type of insulation which converted the Grenfell tower to an oven is banned in high rise applications outside the United Kingdom for fire safety reasons, and is at least nominally banned inside the United Kingdom as well.

Prime Minister Theresa May has not answered whether the Government was aware it had banned the sort of flammable cladding applied to its warehouses for the poor. May, whose government has now been saddled with the expense of catching up on deferred maintenance on an emergency basis for these warehouses, further insisted that Airstrip One no es un pais pobre.

Arkansas Plant Board Sends Emergency Dicamba Ban To Governor Amid "Continued Dicamba Destruction Xtend (TM)(R)"

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In the second growing season since Monsanto released their "Xtend Crop System" featuring dicamba resistant soybeans and cotton, the Arkansas State Plant Board has been moved to propose an emergency ban on the in-crop use of dicamba outside of traditional applications of the herbicide to pasture land. The emergency ban now awaits the Governor's approval following an 11-3 endorsement by the Plant Board.

Monsanto's response to the proposed ban has been to point out that 33 other states have been perfectly happy telling their trees and non-Monsanto broad leaf crops to get fucked. Monsanto's Christi Dixon seriously proposes1 bailing out the customers of one her employer's products, a product which still grows and yields a crop without being "nourished" by this particular herbicide, by fucking everyone in Monsanto allowing territories over.

Enjoy the amber waves that did not live long enough to yield grain. Sorry for your loess.

  1. Having her employer in the byline leads to the assumption that the work is not intended as a satirical piece  ↩