Category Archives: Shitware

Alt-Left Pantsuits Escalate Symbolically Without Risking Physical Confrontation

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Feeling left out of Sunday's hijinks, Pantsuit Baltimore Mayor Catherine E Pugh (WOT: nonperson) and collaborators in city government conspired to remove various memorial statuary of a previous generation's "Never Forget" their having fought against the underhanded pantsuits of their own time. Four statutes celebrating heros of the South's valiant fight during the War of Northern Aggression were removed by heavy machinery under Pugh's orders overnight.

This neatly resolved the forum's idle musing on how the alt-left could possibly escalate America's brewing civil war without having to leave the safety of their Reddit terminals.

Amazon Fucks Retailers, Panics Customers With Recall Week Before Total Eclipse

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Jeff Bezos' Amazon has recalled numerous sun and eclipse viewing products exactly one week before a total solar eclipse crosses North America (archived). Amazon is alleging that numerous "reports of counterfeits" have compelled them to undertake this blanket recall though Amazon has never been particularly remorseful about selling counterfeit products in the past. The specter of mass blindness however seems to have moved Amazon to act in this one instance.

In typically Incan fashion, Amazon recalled products from a number of their "partner" vendors without any regard for paper work previously submitted establishing authenticity and safety of the recalled products. Naturally this has thoroughly fucked Amazon's "partners" who are now sitting on substantial inventory tied to an infrequent event Amazon has decided to write off. Likewise Amazon's Incan decision making has left their customers panicked, customers who are by and large incapable of assessing the safety of their now recalled purchases with time burning rapidly in advance of the sun's temporary egress from the sky.

As of this writing, the few remaining Amazon listed eclipse viewers sell for fiat equivalent to 0.05-0.1 BTC at current rates offered by fiat/Bitcoin interfaces. Qntra readers who wish to view the eclipse are advised that a welding visor which can be set at "shade 13" is the sweet spot for intermittent direct observations of the sun. Shade 12 offers a lower margin of comfort while shade 14 is too dark to allow a quality viewing experience. However, there is no remedy for having "partnered" with Amazon.

Oregon School Board Erasing Donor Family Name From Buildings

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A school board removed the name of the Lynch family from a number of schools established on land donated for their construction by the same family (archived). The school board in the case cites "racial insensitivity" as their justification for stealing the Family's history and instead crediting the schools establishment entirely to the kleptocratic embrace of herdemocracy.

Deposed socialist former US dictator Hussein Bahamas has yet offer amends for the his racial insensitivity in appointing a woman named Lynch to head Federal "law enforcement" during his reign of terror which was characterized by endemic extrajudicial killings.

Y Combinator Startups Begin Overt Political Discrimination

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News is emerging that Y Combinator darling Airbnb has begun firing customers for supporting particular political creeds. In typically SillyCon Valley hypocritical fashion, the leftist provacateurs masquerading as a "business startup" are pointing to their "Community Commitment"1 which demands the platform's users

accept people regardless of race, religion, national origin and other identifiers

Despite this Airbnb refused to eat their own dogfood when they cancelled the accounts of a number of individuals affiliated with groups professing conservative political and religious creeds attending a rally in Charlottesville, Virginia. In doing so Airbnb not only denied these activists the opportunity to use their platform on a systematically discriminatory basis, they denied the booked "hosts" the opportunity to collect revenue on their investment properties.

At this point there is little room to doubt that the VC circus in SillyCon Valley is far more concerned with reinventing new bureaucracies than engaging in business of any sort. Where before the circus freaks settled for covert political manipulation of their platforms, they have now become either bold or desperate enough to act overtly on their ideology of hate.

  1. How many "Community Commitments" and other unread obligations have you personally clicked through just because you wanted to try some "hot" new "service" in the sharing (a.k.a. poverty) economy?   ↩

Silbert's November Hardfork Plan Faces Newly Wary Derps, Thanks Roger Ver

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With Roger Ver's hard fork now solidly mired in the early stages of altcoin woes, attention has turned to Barry Silbert's (WoT:nonperson) proposed hard fork away from Bitcoin and musings on whether Silbert and his allies will jump to the same fate. Firms associated with Barry's fiatist "Digital Currency Group" create an impression of widespread "business" support Ver's initiative lacked, but Silbert's social engineering coup is still no less a fringe effort promoted by a minor player in the Bitcoin economy.

The the much beleaguered Coindesk, social engineering workhorse of Silbert's collection,1 appears to have a few lonely months ahead working the social engineering grind.

The Bitcoin Foundation, stewards of the reference Bitcoin implementation, have rightly refused to acknowledge Silbert's attack on Bitcoin as anything else. Meanwhile the power rangers developing the popular "Bitcoin Core" fork of the reference implementation are trying to minimize the disturbance SilbertCoin will afflict their users with, and in spite of the woe's of Vercoin, a certain kind of derp dressed as developer is likely to continue burning their time on that forked altcoin.

We are Barry Silbert for your loss.

  1. This is distinct from actual news media.  ↩

Legacy Senate GOP Leader To America: "At Least Hillary Clinton Isn't President"

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The leader of the legacy Senate GOP, Mitch McConnell, is trying to console America in the wake of his Senate's failure to get on the Trump train by offering "At least Hillary Clinton isn't president". This comes as McConnell allowed his Senate, which pretends to share a political party with the President, to meet "Pro Forma" through their August recess denying elected President Donald Trump the ability to fill vacancies through uncontested 'recess appointments'. The 2018 Midterm election is only 15 months away, tick tock.

Roger Ver-ified Fork Finally Mines A Block

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The pool ViaBTC, after mining Bitcoin, finally got around to mining a block on their forked altcoin chain at height 478559 on the forked chain. This occurred roughly six hours after Bitcoin block 478558 was mined and built upon. Each new block that trickles out of this chain creates opportunities for Bitcoin balances to be split and markets to work their, in this case slow, magic.

There's plenty of time for popcorn.

Roger Ver-ified Fork Fails To Mine Block In Four Hours And Counting, Exchange Rate Low

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Summer of forks lulz have hit an inflection point today, with the "Bitcoin Cash" (abbreviated BCC, BCH, and SFYL ) altcoin breaking away from actual Bitcoin. ViaBTC mining pool, the biggest proponent of the split, mined the first Bitcoin block, 478559, following the fork which was promptly rejected by "Bitcoin Cash" nodes. At the time of the writing of this article – nearly 4 hours into the split – BCH miners have failed to find a single block on their own chain. Trading on ViaBTC exchange was slightly above 5,000 BTC and price hovered at 0.109 BTC per coin.

Coinbase Begins Trading Vacation With "Your" Coins Early

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Mtgox Coinbase employees have started their planned trading vacation this weekend instead of waiting for their intended start date of just before August 1st. Mtgox Coinbase has posted a cryptic status message stating that their withdrawals may be "delayed by up to 12+ hours" (archived). The notation "+" signifies an indefinite addition to the number that precedes it, and for this reason we are deeply Sorry For Your Loss.