Obama Brings Fish to Orgasm In Alaska Vacation Hijinks

CNN and numerous other outlets are reporting that in a depraved act of bestiality the Commander in Chief of the American socialist state Barack Obama has brought a male salmon to orgasm in from of a crowd of spectators (archived). The event occurred during Obama's current vacation to Alaska where he went to an area known to have numerous horny stud salmon in mating form. In the brief time he handled on of the fish he was able to bring the fish to drip its seed all over his shoes. In the past Obama has made it known he is an enemy of Bitcoin and General Purpose Computing going so far as to issue oppressive instructions to law enforcement while denying mercy for a brave American patriot who had opposed his efforts to impose socialist hegemony in cyberspace. It is unknown at the present whether Michelle Obama had given her assent to Barack's hookup with the fish, or if she knew at all about Barack's sexual proclivities of the piscine variety.

Guilty Plea After Package Tracking Breaks Opsec in Darkmarket Drug Case

Harold Bates of Massachusetts plead guilty to drug charges relating to the importation of a half kilogram of methylone from China. Bates was implicated in the case when his residential IP address was discovered to have checked the tracking number on the USPS web portal of a package seized by postal inspectors containing the prohibited drug product. The package was intercepted in Hollywood, Florida. Bates faces three methylone related charges carrying a potential 20 years of prison each along with a separate charge for possessing a prohibited item as an inmate of a prison which carries an additional potential for 10 further years in prison. The three methylone related charges are conspiracy to import, importation, and possession with intent to distribute. Overseeing the case is Chief Judge of the United States District Court for the District of Massachusetts Patti B. Saris who is also the Commissioner and Chair of the United States Sentencing Commission. Bates is scheduled to be sentenced on December 10th in Boston.

Peoria Pays $125,000 in Satire Settlement

According to the Journal Star the city of Peoria, Illinois has agreed to pay an eighth of a million United States Dollars (archived) to Jon Daniel in order to settle a civil suit arising from the city's persecution of Daniel for daring to run a twitter account parodying Mayor Jim Ardis. Daniel's home was raided on April 15th, 2014 as a part of a police operation to identify and suppress the operator of a satire twitter feed for mocking Mayor Ardis. Daniel and his representatives provided by the ACLU alleged Daniel's 1st and 4th amendment rights were violated, that he was falsely imprisoned, and that his personal privacy was violated as a part of the manhunt and police raid directed at his parodic writing activities.

Silicon Valley City Contemplates Surveillance Equipment on Garbage Trucks

The San Jose Mercury News reports that the government of San Jose is contemplating the use of garbage trucks as a platform for mounting license plate readers (archived). The plan involves piping data collected from garbage truck mounted surveillance equipment directly to the San Jose police department. Four police cars operated by the San Jose police department already are fitted with license plate readers, but expanding their deployment to the city's sanitation livery would allow for complete coverage of all of the city's streets every week. San Jose is currently currently struggling with ways to leverage technology to counteract the personnel losses in its police department which has roughly 950 officers this year, a number which is expected to contract to 800 officers sometime next year. San Jose has in the past been referred to as an unofficial "Capital" of Silicon Valley. Technology firms with a substantial presence in San Jose include Adobe, Xilinx, Cisco, and the North American headquarters for Korean firm Samsung.

Wikipedia Bans Hundreds of Accounts Over Alleged Paid Editing

Wikipedia's latest scandal involves the site's administrators banning hundreds of accounts over what they are calling an "extortion ring" involving more than 200 articles which were promotional in nature. Wikipedia alleges that the operators of this "extortion" ring were taking money from individuals and businesses on a subscription basis in order to maintain positive and informative articles on the subjects. This service was alleged to have cost about $30 a month which is far below the typical "yellow page" listing rate, though the charge is getting the venture cast as an "extortion and protection" racket (archived). Continue reading

BIP-101 Syndicate Shares Fiat Ties, Opposition to Actual Bitcoin

Upon a Crunchbase investigation of the companies attached to the open letter (text) published on Blockchain.info's blog supporting BIP-101, a correlation arose that indicates these companies have most likely been compromised for some time. All of these companies who have been known to employ heavy KYC terms, are heavily funded by fiat institutions that want to pervert Bitcoin. Continue reading

Small Mining Firm Takes Regulatory Compliance Pill, Moves to the Dark Side

A small mining firm referring to itself as HashingSpace Corporation has pushed out a press release bragging that they have retained the services of IdentityMind Global to implement anti money laundering, know your customer, and other criminal regulatory services antithetical to Bitcoin. IdentityMind Global claims to have relationships with "more than 40" "virtual currency businesses" most of which serve as interfaces between fiat currency and Bitcoin. HashingSpace professes to primarily be a mining and miner hosting operation that also just happens to provide other services like a "wallet" and Bitcoin ATMs. On social media earlier this summer HashingSpace has claimed to possess 5 petahashes of mining hardware, an amount eerily similar to that claimed by GAW Miners before their collapse.

Teenager Receives Eleven Years Prison, Lifetime Supervision In Exchange For Guilty Plea

Former Coin Brief author Ali Shukri Amin, who pleaded guilty to a charge of "conspiring to provide material support to terrorists" in June of this year has been sentenced by U.S. District Judge Claude M. Hilton to a period of 11 years in prison. In addition to his prison sentence, the 17 year old will face a lifetime of supervised release with added redundancy in the form of monitoring any of his future internet activity.

Speaking to Amin's sentence, U.S. Attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia Dana J. Boente remarked: Continue reading