Careerist US Attorney Prosecutes Private Money For Property Exchange

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Acting U.S. Attorney Tom Larson of the Western District of Missouri has prosecuting a case of exchanging money for property as a criminal act. The victim Jason R. Klein plead guilty to running an "illegal currency exchange" that per the prosecution only handled money on one side of the transaction as the other side of the transaction was property. Had the case been prosecuted to a verdict in favor of the prosecution, it would have set a precedent for prosecuting any transactions between private parties.

Tom Larson is a careerist employed by the US Attorney's office for the Western District of Missouri since 1980 before finding himself in this interim leadership position. This is a typical career path of least resistance undertaken by swamp creatures embedded as obstacles to The Great Again.

Fake News On Trump/Russia Hallucination Continues As Trump Bombs Convoy Of Actual Russian Ally Syria

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The swamp creatures of the Washington DC establishment have enlisted former FBI director Robert Mueller to serve as a special prosecutor investigating fake news complaints about Russia stealing last year's US election from the pantsuit party candidate. As a consequence, allegations of an actual conspiracy of disloyal wreckers in the GOP1 defecting to the pantsuit party's cause over fake news are circulating. The alleged wreckers suppose the Trumpreich is getting in the way of their agenda and suppose a President Pence just might be more cooperative.2

Meanwhile there has been no prosecuting action directed towards then candidate Barack Hussein Obama's 2008 sabotage of negotiations between the George W. Bush administration and Iran. (archived) The then candidate for president offered the Mullahs a more generous deal than the sitting president would allow, if only they could stall negotiations until his coronation.

Further, the US military operating under orders from the 8 year Trumpreich bombed a convoy belonging to actual Russian ally Syria for violating a conflict de-escalation zone.

  1. The minor US socialist party which Trump saved through ideological alignment with the International Populist Party.  ↩

  2. This is a longshot considering Pence's ideological concordance with Trump.  ↩

Sears Takes Tool Giant TTI To Court As Suppliers Flee

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Sears, the ailing official retailer of the original American Great,1 has pre-emptively taken tool giant Techtronic Industries (TTI) to court in order to stave off inevitable supply contract renegotiations. TTI has grown to supply the bulk of power tools sold under retailer specific private label brands including many sold as part of the Craftsman brand that Sears recently sold to Stanley Black and Decker. Naturally the combination of Sears dwindling ability to pay vendors and the natural aversion to producing products for one's chief competitor has placed Techtronics in a situation that makes reconsidering its relationship with Sears desirable.

This news comes as Sears lost a five year old patent case against a smaller vendor whose product design they had ripped off and sold under their former Craftsman brand. In five short years Sears has gone from the large retailer bullying smaller vendors to the small retailer trying to bully vendors they helped to make larger than themselves.

Once again it appears that abusing a relic of the original American Great has succeeded in turning billions into millions.

  1. As opposed to the long awaited Great Again  ↩

Mizzou Protest Fallout Continues With Crashing Rental Market

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Landlords in Columbia, Missouri are drastically reducing rents and offering all manner of incentives to entice student renters as a result of the ongoing and steep enrollment decline at the University of Missouri. The university itself has closed seven residence halls and declined to replace the now condemned1 University Village on campus apartment complex.

Numerous other businesses have closed with Strange Donuts blaming their departure on fallout from the unrest, and this suggests a substantial fall in retail and commercial rents may be looming as well or already happening quietly.

The one bright spot in Columbia is Mizzou's basketball recruiting class, which is ranked 6th nationally. Last season the basketball team was tied for last place in their conference with an 8-23 record, and they finished last in their conference for three consecutive years.

Meanwhile, plans at the University of Michigan to renovate the student union have clashed against opposition to preserving the building's historic wood panelling as allegedly students find its quiet presence too imposing and masculine.

  1. The complex had allegedly been recommended for demolition in 2008, and after a small collapse killed a fireman, ambitious plans to replace the complex with a higher capacity one were circulated. Further talk of rebuilding anything at all on the prime location has disappeared.  ↩

Starbucks Fiat Point Of Sale System Goes Down

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A "technology update" for point-of-sale systems at registers has left a number of Starbucks stores in the United States and Canada unable to process electronic payments today, leaving the affected stores no choice but to accept filthy physical fiat. Customers naturally flocked to social media to vent their outrage, leading some stores to give away free coffee to placate the caffeine deprived mob. A company spokeswoman said "We are working swiftly to resume full operations in each of these stores".

New Plastic (Definitely Not Sterling) UK Pound Notes Cut Noses

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Fiat turned potentially deadly this week as it was reported that some cocaine aficionados in the United Kingdom were left with nasal cuts after using the new polymer 5 pound notes to sniff the drug. Cheekily referred to as "being Winstoned" (Due to Winston Churchill's mug adorning the notes), the practice could increase the spread of infections or blood-borne pathogens if the note is used by multiple users.

Zooko Proposes Undermining Already Questionable Privacy Measure While Remaining Complete

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Zcash creator Zooko stated on twitter that he believes he can "successfully make Zcash too traceable for criminals … while still being completely private and fungible". Zooko seems blissfully aware of what constitutes an oxymoron instead opting to be a moron on social media by taking cues from everyone's favorite crypto scammer and snake-oil salesman Gavin Andresen.

Doge Doldrums Drum On

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This weeks revelation that Dogecoin Tipbot creator Mohland stole all user funds from the service has resulted in shibes becoming a laughingstock across the wider internet, even on sites that formerly hailed the scam as "fun". Dogecoin creator Jackson Palmer returned from the dead and made a reddit post where he outlines steps for the future to the ever-shrinking userbase, all the while never mentioning the outright theft that occurred. Dogecoin price has plummeted to 1/10th of a cent and ranks at #15 on coinmarketcap.com, having fallen from its once prominent position on the site as a top 5 altcorn.

Cost Of Running Shitware Continues Bull Run To The Moon

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A rash of ransomware attacks utilizing Microsoft exploits once exclusive to apparatus of USG oppression have crippled loyal shitware customers including the UK's socialized medical system, Fedex, and numerous banks. The rapidity with which the program known as WCry colonized Windows machines compelled Microsoft to issue security patches addressing this particular exploit for long unsupported products in an effort to stem the bleeding. The increasing effectiveness of ransomware attacks in concert with continued fiat currency malaise that threatens to take the US dollar below 1/2000th of a Bitcoin1 is driving the cost of continuing to run shitware for any purpose to the moon.

With many more exploits liberated from the cellars of the USG.NSA and USG.CIA, this front presents an incredible ongoing peril afflicting fiat interests that is unlikely to be relieved any time soon.2

  1. And beyond!!!  ↩

  2. If ever.  ↩

Fiat Ram Trucks May Smash Their Operators

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Reluctant to relinquish its tried and true status as THE day-late-dollar-short member of not yet Great Again American automakers;  Fiat Chrysler Automobiles (FCA) announced today that it would be following in the footsteps of General Motors in recalling a great many of its great trucks for a "software error" that could end in a smushy death.

Affecting RAM 1500 and 2500 trucks built from 2013-2016 as well as big mother RAM 3500 trucks built from 2014-2016, over one million units will be recalled starting next month, significantly more than the number affected by FCA's Hot Death but only a quarter of GM's numbers from 2016.

The Dodge "software error" has been implicated in at least one death to date when side airbags and seat belt pretensioners failed to activate following an underbody collision leading to a vehicle rollover. No word on whether Dodge's engineers were also responsible for bugs in other TBTF products of Not Yet Great Again. Also no word on whether Herr Trump is planning to extend his recent Executive Order to include automakers but it would be pretty sweet if he did.