Category Archives: Weather

"Autopilot" Provider Dumps Elon Musk, Tesla

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Mobileye, the Israeli firm which developed the "autopilot" feature for Tesla Motors has dumped Elon Musk's (WOT:nonperson) Tesla as a customer. Mobileye is publicly breaking ties over concerns that Tesla is reselling and marketing Mobileye's product in an unsafe manner. Continuing their relationship with Tesla threatens to introduce substantial liability through Tesla's abuse of their product.

Elon Musk's other major venture SpaceX recently destroyed a telecommunications satellite made by an Israeli firm for Mark Zuckerberg's (WOT:nonperson) data collection firm. Musk's rocket exploded on the launch pad resulting in the loss of the satellite.  The circle of persons and businesses willing to conduct business with Elon Musk and his ventures appears to be shrinking.

Sorry for your loss.

Hillary Clinton's Twin Legs Buckle Where Twin Towers Fell

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Candidate for the United States Presidency Hillary Rodham Clinton suffered a medical episode during a ceremony at the 9/11 Memorial in New York. Her legs buckled and she appeared to faint (archived). This incident is notable for receiving coverage in the mainstream US press which has thus far dismissed concerns about Hillary's health as crackpottery. She is sixty-eight years old and she will turn sixty-nine before the election. Her major election opponent Donald Trump-Clinton at seventy years of age is also geriatric. Of the candidates on the ballot in all 50 states, Gary Johnson is the only candidate who would finish a first term as president before his seventieth birthday. Peace in our time, Rest in theirs.

Update: Hillary was evacuated from the 9/11 memorial in Manhattan to her daughter Chelsea's apartment. Representatives of her campaign insist she merely "overheated" though in the United States heat related injuries are taken very seriously by the Occupational Safety and Health Administration and classified as reportable incidents subject to investigations, fines, and penalties. Clinton privilege strikes again.

Update 2: Now Hillary's doctor is alleging that she has been suffering pneumonia since Friday. Pneumonia is a leading cause of death in geriatrics.

Kim Jung Un Bans Sarcasm

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North Korean leader Kim Jung Un has banned sarcasm in the Democratic People's Republic of Best Korea out of fear that his people are only expressing their support for him ironically (archived). In related news last Friday the FBI dumped substantial information about Hillary Clinton's slovenly email habits. The highlight of the dump was the disclosure that Hillary told the FBI that she though that the letter "C" preceding select paragraphs indicated alphabetical order rather than the information's "CONFIDENTIAL" classification.

Meanwhile Donald Trump-Clinton continued advancing his position that Russian President Vladimir Putin is a better leader and a better man than United States lame duck Oval Office occupier Hussein Bahamas.

Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson, who is set to spoil the election for Hillary1, in rare mainstream media coverage is being assailed for allegedly not knowing what Aleppo is during an interview. Aleppo is one of many cities in Syria being decimated in their civil war, and neither Aleppo nor its residents matter.

Meta spoiler Green Party criminal Jill Stein who intents to spoil Gary Johnson's campaign to spoil Hillary's campaign2 now has open warrants for her arrest in North Carolina. Stein faces charges of criminal trespass and criminal mischief after undertaking a campaign to damage valuable excavating equipment as part of her meta-spoiler campaign.

Peace in our time. Sorry for your lulz.

  1. In the sense that the voter motivations in this election are split between those who support Donald Trump-Clinton, those who oppose Donald Trump-Clinton, and those who oppose opposing Donald Trump-Clinton the wrong way by voting Hillary and therefore supporting Gary Johnson.  ↩

  2. Largely through aggravating the dilemma of choice, a prime method of manipulating cattle and those afflicted with SUTO. ↩

Black Man Shot In North Saint Louis County

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Darren Seals, a black man, was found shot to death in a car in North Saint Louis county. This is not an uncommon occurrence aside from the fact that Seals' cadaver was discovered in the car after first responders arrived because it was on fire. Young black men being found shot motor vehicles is typical for the area, but the motor vehicles carrying the deceased to beyond are rarely on fire. Usually the only vehicles found locally on fire are police cars.

Seals was a face of the 2014 civil unrest in Ferguson Missouri Black Lives Matter movement and is reported to recently have held an event on "Facebook Live" where alleged local agents of oppression drew firearms on him for the crime of walking near a suicide investigation. Peace in our time.

Bankrupt Hanjin Desperately Fighting To Prevent Seizure Of Ships

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Shipping giant Hanjin filed for receivership in South Korea and filed for bankruptcy in the United States last week after its finances collapsed. This week news is emerging that Hanjin is trying to file for bankruptcy protection in 40 different jurisdictions as they desperately work to prevent any more of their ships from being seized in port. Hanjin operated the world's seventh largest container line at a loss in four of the last five years. The number of Hanjin ships which have been denied access to ports stands at 79. Hanjin claims a fleet of 141 ships, of which 128 are operating. Spot shipping prices on routes conveying cargo from Asia to North America have been holding ~40% higher than they were immediately before Hanjin's initial bankruptcy filing. The firm's current crisis follows the recent refusal of creditors to lend Hanjin any more capital to finance its operating expenses. Sorry for your loss.

Bahamas G20 Landing Brouhaha

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United States Oval Office seat warmer Hussein Bahamas after arriving in Hangzhou, China for the G20 conference disembarked from his plane using the belly staircase rather than a roll up staircase. De-planing Air Force One by the more common roll up staircase indicates confidence in the security of the de-planing situation and indicates a positive relationship between parties to the landing and de-planing.

By contrast a belly staircase de-planing indicates tension between parties and a lack of confidence defined by feelings of insecurity. The official verified Twitter account of the United States Defense Intelligence Agency made light of the tension by tweeting "Classy as always China" and linking a New York Times piece about the tense situation featuring a full frontal picture of Hussein Bahamas engaged in belly de-planing. The tweet making light of Hussein Bahamas' engagement in a supremely submissive act has already been deleted. Peace in our time.

US Third Party Candidate's Ad Buy Spotted In The Wild

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Evidence of a radio ad buy on behalf of United States Libertarian party presidential candidate Gary Johnson was observed in the wild. This morning while the Qntra editor in chief was driving his motor carriage to buy cigarettes he heard a Gary Johnson presidential advertisement on KMOX during their broadcast of the Rush Limbaugh show.

Ad buys by candidates outside of the two major socialist political parties in the United States are an extreme rarity with rare exceptions like the 1992 candidacy of Ross Perot that spoiled the election for George Herbert Walker Bush and ushered in the Clinton I presidency.

The move suggests that in addition to having the money to buy ads, Gary Johnson's campaign is making a serious push to raise their already impressive poll numbers across the 15% threshold necessary to be included in the televised debates. Johnson's chances of winning the November election are slim, but given the major party candidates' historically and consistently low likability, approval, and job readiness polling numbers, there is a solid1 chance Johnson makes the televised debates and draws enough votes to spoil the election for one or both of the major party candidates. Peace in our time.

  1. ~35% Enough to happen, but not enough to refer to as likely  ↩

Florida Appeals Espinoza Decision, Florida's Status At Stake!

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The government of Florida, a peninsular territory that hangs from the United States mainland like a limp penis with collapsed veins from years of IV drug use and subject to swampy decay, has decided to appeal a decision by one of their judges and imperil their place in the future. The United Kingdom faced a similar dilemma and decided to walk the lonely road to irrelevance. Peace in our time, but who knows about Florida's.

Cost Of Wrong Kitty Litter Escalates Into The Billions Following Nuclear Waste Accident

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The Los Angeles Times reports that the estimated cost of cleaning up a 2014 underground containment failure at a nuclear waste storage site in New Mexico is climbing past the two billion United States dollar mark (archived). The failure occurred at a facility located within an underground salt dome. A container holding Plutonium and Americium waste failed because organic kitty litter used as a binding agent reacted with the waste creating gas that lead to an explosion reportedly contaminating 35% of the space in the underground facility. Using inert mineral kitty litter would have prevented this accident.

The accident has lead to a cavalcade of fail1 as the facility's unsafety has lead to delays in sequestering waste from "temporary" storage at former nuclear weapons facilities including the notorious Hanford Site there. This means that in addition to the costs imposed by attempts to restore this salt dome to safety the accident has forced the United States Government to breach agreements with a number of state and local governments for failure to dispose of their nuclear trash according to agreed upon schedules. It has also threatened to bring the United States into violation of International Treaties with Russian and other nuclear powers on the reduction of weapons grade material.

The immediate cost of cleaning up after this breach is set to eclipse the Three Mile Island incident in absolute dollars, and the total cost imposed by the fallout is likely to eclipse Three Mile Island in inflation adjusted dollars. The latest alleged USMS auction of Silk Road-ish Bitcoins at 1.6 million United States dollars for 2700 Bitcoins can do nothing for the fiat order when it has debts like this. Sorry for your loss, but you should have read the label on that kitty litter.

  1. This is not unlike the situation US farmers chose trading their windbreaks and their neighbor's orchards for a season's soybean harvest.  ↩