This weekend the time kept by the USG's GPS constellation will hit its 1024th week since its 10 bit register last rolled over in 1999 (archived). This raises the potential for lazily implemented devices depending on GPS disciplined time to behave in rather undisciplined manners.
Category Archives: Weather
Bezos Deals: 35 Billion USD In Amazon Stock To Wife For Splitting
Jeff Bezos and his beleaguered ex-wife MacKenzie have reached a divorce agreement which will make Jeff's ex the "World's 4th Richest Woman" holding a 4% stake in Amazon valued at ~35 billion USD (archived). MacKenzie declined to take stakes in Jeff's rocket startup Blue Origin or Jeff's troubled Washington Post gossip network. MacKenzie is ceding her stock's voting rights to Jeff for 25 years. The dissolution of the Bezos household comes after Bezos indiscretely dipped into a nearly 50 year old matron behind MacKenzie's back.
Bezos has taken to blaming the House of Saud for hacking his phone and leaking his sexts in recent days (archived).
46 Pantsuitist Candidates Already Lined Up For Presidential Primary Showdown
The field of candidates to take the Pantsuitist position challenging Trump in the 2020 election has swollen to 46, a figure that only includes declared candidates. Undeclared candidate, frontrunner, and former assistant to Hussein Bahamas, Joe Biden is facing an early obstacle as Pantsuitists debate how far to take their "believe women" mantra when it concerns their own ranks. The aged Biden has a long history of making affectionate contact with women and children at campaign events, a habit which began long before his party's recent Puritan turn against any contact between homo sapiens that isn't explicitly homosexual.
These assaults have recently been used by Pantsuitists to deperson many of their own strongest supporters in order to create openings for younger, dumber replacements. Thanks to the rapid changes in their behavioral rules enabled by taking social media mobs seriously, anyone who subscribes to pantsuit insanity finds themself incapable of defending themself from future charges as popular mores become ever more Puritan. Especially if the only thing moderating the lynch mobs surrounding Biden is that he was Hussein Bahamas's Vice President less than three years ago.
Given the immense size of the field and popular consensus that the incumbent Trump is deeply unpopular, this is set to be an incredibly bloody primary contest.
F-35 Deliveries To Turkey Suspended As Turkey Determines Russian Missiles A Better Value
Long teased, the US finally suspended F-35 related deliveries to Turkey after realizing that Turkey was serious when Turkey decided Russian missiles were a better value proposition than US warplanes (archived). Other NATO allies including Italy have been looking for ways out of the F-35 money pit as well.
US Faces Rising Sex Inequality With 1/4 Of US Men Not Getting Any During 2018
Data coming out of the United States suggests record high numbers of adult males not having sex with a full quarter of the adult male population failing to fuck at all in 2018 (archived). The number rises to nearly 30% for men under 30. The same investigation suggests only 18 percent of females failed to get at least one dicking.
Not Much Brexiting On Brexit Day As Brits Still Wanking Over How To Brexit
With Brexit Day winding to a close the Brits are still wanking over how exactly to Brexit with Parliament voting "no" leaving with a deal and leaving without a deal. Theresa May is calling for a fourth vote on her "soft Brexit" deal thrice rejected in parliament next week, should her government survive that long. Once again modern democracy inteprets a simple proposition, in this case "leave the EU", as anything but the actual fucking words.
Rescued Migrants Hijack Commercial Vessel At Sea
The commercial vessel Elhiblu 1 rescued 108 migrants and was hijacked by the same after the the mass of humanity pulled from the sea discovered the ship would be taking them back to Africa rather than onward to Europe (archived). This is not the first time helpless African migrants turned violent against their maritime saviors after discovering their rescuers logistics conflicted with their wishes.
British Soldier Faces Charges Over Friendly Fire In Video Game Exercise
A British soldier assigned to 3rd Battalion, the Rifles faces charges after allegely opening fire on friendlies during a video game training exercise (archived). The soldiers had allegedly been spending weeks in front of laptops working on drills in a video game environment deprived of fresh air and the physical exercise that comes from doing field exercises in the field. Eventually one member of the unit snapped and began engaging in Grand Theft Auto style freeplay on the British military co-op training server. The rifleman was reprimanded after the "exercise" and has been charged with disobeying orders.
EU Parliament Endorses New Copyrasty Regime
The European Union parliament has passes a measure "reforming" their copyrasty regime to include upload filters, licensing mandates, and possible link taxes (archived). The European council will consider the measure April 9th. If passed by the council, EU members will be compelled to adopt the new copyrasty regime in their local laws or leave.
USG Leveraging Discord In The Home To Disarm Americans, Illinois Moving Ammo Serialization Bill Through Legislature
USG prosecutors are increasingly turning intra-marital disputes into federal cases for the purpose of disarming American males (archived).
Meanwhile, Illinois is looking to test legislation mandating serializing handgun ammunition with no grandfather clause allowing private possession of ammunition purchased before the serialization requirements go into effect (archived). The text of the proposed bill singles out .22 caliber rimfire ammunition as subject to the serialization requirement, and each round of traditional unserialized ammunition would count as a seperate offense. This is a serious problem for target shooters who buy .22 long rifle by the 500 round brick. The full text of the Illinois proposal scheduled for a hearing in committee tomorrow is presented below: Continue reading