Category Archives: Shitware

It's Not Rape If Her Uterus Meanwhile Absorbed It

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Novel legal theory unveiled (in a whitepaper, of course) by obscure scamcoin Zcoin's own Reuben Yak earlier today explains that even through "an unknown party" made away with anywhere between 410% and ∞% of the marketable value of the whole shebang nevertheless it's all good because of the market having absorbed the damage or in other words because the damage was mostly absorbed by the markets.

Sorry for your rights, priviledges, sanity and loss, in some order that was already absorbed by this text.

McDonald's Exposes Nuts After Hiatus

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Exposed nuts are again to be seen around McDonald's restaurants worldwide, as the company reverses an order that required peanuts and nuts to be served in individually wrapped containers. The move is a blow to sufferers of persons with nut allergies who had long benefited from the policy. A statement from the company said "All products available at our restaurants may contain or come into contact with peanuts, tree nuts or other allergens".

McDonald's employees worldwide are now free to liberally sprinkle nuts on any dessert, although a local franchise assured me they plan to keep their nuts wrapped for the time being.

Coindesk: Bitcoin Price Malaise! (As US Dollar Continues To Trade Under 0.001 BTC)

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Coindesk1 today gave the exciting title

"Crypto Traders Flock to Altcoins Amid Bitcoin Price Malaise"

to a mundane piece whose only actual mentions of fiat/Bitcoin interface reported price concerns continued price stability. With the value of the United States dollar continuing to be reported under 0.001 BTC for much of this young year, all malaise seems to be accumulating on the fiat side.

  1. A fake news operation funded by Barry Silbert  ↩

Pennsylvania Prosecutor Declines To Charge Suspects In Home Invasion Shooting

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Pennsylvania Attorney General Josh Shapiro has declined to file charges against suspects who confessed to a home invasion where they shot the home owner. The 76 year old shooting victim survived after spending two weeks in the hospital. The victim was shot when two state troopers invaded his home and fired upon him before he could exercise his legally protected right under Pennsylvania's 'Castle Doctrine' law to dispatch the felons invading his home. In Pennsylvania home invasion committed when a residence is occupied is a class one felony. Back in 2013, some culturally superior North Americans south of the Rio Grande formed a vigilante posse and arrested the local police after they killed a beloved local man.

ZCash Sinks After Bug Induced Chain Fork

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Zooko's ZCash suffered a severe setback today, initial reports calling it "chain fork" that occurred due to using an old version of the "anonymous" software. Zooko advised users to update to the latest release in order to avoid any potential problems, but "further analysis" of the bug would be released, likely to assure users the scam isn't collapsing prematurely as they try to figure out what happened. Prices on the bologna exchange Poloniex slid to $33 USD per coin, listed at #18 in the coinmarketcap.com ranking of scamcoins, dipping below even other obvious scams such as Steemit and Dogecoin. (archived)

Police One Forum Hacked In 2015, Users Notified Now

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Police One, a forum frequented by members of US Federal and State "Law Enforcement" agencies, confirmed today that 715,000 of member accounts have gone up for sale on the deep web after a breach that occurred in 2015. The database contains usernames, password hashed with every hacker's favorite md5, email addresses, dates of birth, and other miscellaneous data for the bargain sum of 0.4 BTC. Forum officials said they were notifying members of the hack so they could reset passwords, although this will do little to prevent dedicated attackers from future attacks.

Death Cult Propagates Among Some Chinese Miners

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As mentioned in Shinohai's latest shitcoin Roundup, a few single language Chinese miners have taken to expressing an unjustified degree of loyalty to yet another doomed anti-Bitcoin forking effort. In the same week the fork effort's defective client unintentionally fell out of consensus due to its inherent slop, Andrew Quentson (WOT:nonperson) published a purported "cosmetically corrected" interview with Jiang Zhuoer (WOT:nonperson) where among other things Zhuoer confesses to "SPV mining" while asserting to have 100 million dollars1 committed to destroying any actual Bitcoin network which remains after splitting his favored altcoin from Bitcoin.

If Zhuoer's intent actually corresponds to what the words printed in English mean,2 it represents a paltry counter to the deterrent presented by Mircea Popescu and other lords of the Most Serene Republic, which has thus far damped off earlier social engineering attempts to fork Bitcoin into something else before they could root.

Continued imprudence among mining pool operators suggests that a solution to the mining bug3 in order to disabuse certain activist factions of their imagined participation in Bitcoin. Importantly, recent efforts by the People's Bank of China to bring sanity to their local fiat/Bitcoin interfaces does not preclude future statal attempts to attack Bitcoin via the mining vector from the People's Republic of China.  Sorry for your loss.

  1. A mere 10,000 Bitcoins today, less tomorrow ↩

  2. Such is the least of the curses handicapping the monophone single language speaker.  ↩

  3. Some solutions have been proposed to constrain the impact of the bug  ↩

Shinohai's Saturday Shitcoin Roundup: "100 Million US dollars" And More!

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Certain factions within the Chinese mining cartels threaten to spend $100 million USD1 to kill off any competition to Bitcoin Unlimited. The announcement was made by a previously unknown pool known as "BTC.TOP" which alleges to have 6.8% of global hashrate at time of this article.

Buttfinex users were elated that their "Hacker credit" token rose to a roughly 76 cent high, leaving some with hopes they might not get totally scammed after all. A twitter user by the name of "Bitcoin Nemesis" released an open letter on pastebin in which he claims to be the only person able to recover the missing funds, in addition promising the prosecution of the scammers running the show. The shadowy user further threatens to dump a list of "Bitcoin people" on the 15th "to law enforcement, intelligence agencies, to tax authorities."

Users of the scammer paradise btcjam reported withdraw errors on the platform earlier this week, leading redditards to speculate Mt. Gox 2.0 is imminent.

Venezuelan Fiat/Bitcoin interface SurBitcoin advised users to withdraw their balances after the company had it's account with Banesco shuttered for unknown reasons. No reason for the sudden halt in operations was given, though officials said they hoped to resume operations in roughly 2 weeks. Users were encouraged to use localbitcoins in the interim, which has been a popular platform in the South American communist haven to facilitate p2p trades.

The SEC published a notice “to solicit comments on the proposed rule change from interested persons” regarding Barry Shillbert's "Bitcoin Investment Trust (BIT)" fund, which he hopes to trade on the NYSE.

  1. A figure notably denominated in the wrong kind of unit  ↩