Category Archives: News

Cost Of Wrong Kitty Litter Escalates Into The Billions Following Nuclear Waste Accident

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The Los Angeles Times reports that the estimated cost of cleaning up a 2014 underground containment failure at a nuclear waste storage site in New Mexico is climbing past the two billion United States dollar mark (archived). The failure occurred at a facility located within an underground salt dome. A container holding Plutonium and Americium waste failed because organic kitty litter used as a binding agent reacted with the waste creating gas that lead to an explosion reportedly contaminating 35% of the space in the underground facility. Using inert mineral kitty litter would have prevented this accident.

The accident has lead to a cavalcade of fail1 as the facility's unsafety has lead to delays in sequestering waste from "temporary" storage at former nuclear weapons facilities including the notorious Hanford Site there. This means that in addition to the costs imposed by attempts to restore this salt dome to safety the accident has forced the United States Government to breach agreements with a number of state and local governments for failure to dispose of their nuclear trash according to agreed upon schedules. It has also threatened to bring the United States into violation of International Treaties with Russian and other nuclear powers on the reduction of weapons grade material.

The immediate cost of cleaning up after this breach is set to eclipse the Three Mile Island incident in absolute dollars, and the total cost imposed by the fallout is likely to eclipse Three Mile Island in inflation adjusted dollars. The latest alleged USMS auction of Silk Road-ish Bitcoins at 1.6 million United States dollars for 2700 Bitcoins can do nothing for the fiat order when it has debts like this. Sorry for your loss, but you should have read the label on that kitty litter.

  1. This is not unlike the situation US farmers chose trading their windbreaks and their neighbor's orchards for a season's soybean harvest.  ↩

Pokemon Go Fad Already Over

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Pokemon Go, a surveillance and public health app developed by Niantic, is already seeing declining usage according to every possible metric (archived). Likely contributing factors include the game having been released broken with updates only introducing software that's even more broken and gameplay that's even less sophisticated than Cookie Clicker, Farmville, and supposed "games" played for fun. Combine that with the reality of rampant transmayoism keeping the most likely core fanbase from engaging in the optimal gameplay strategy of walking around outside and you have a complete market failure no amount of brand related nostalgia1 can save. Meanwhile other games with allegedly more satisfying mechanics are continuing to grow. Just say Pokemon No.

  1. In related news Crystal Pepsi is back and 1990's nostalgia is apparently a thing marketers are trying to push.  ↩

PayPal Freezes Bundy Accounts Over Rebellion Against Federal Government

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Paypal has frozen accounts associated with Cliven Bundy and his Nevada ranch. Cattle rancher and American Patriot Cliven Bundy was captured by Federal Forces in Portland while he was travelling to support his sons following their effort to liberate a portion of the high desert in Oregon. Cliven's sons Ammon and Ryan had already been captured in an incident which left Ryan injured by gunshot and Lavoy Finicum murdered by FBI stooges. Meanwhile the only Federal officer to face charges of terrorism in United States courts was indicted for playing with gift cards. Peace in our time.

Bitfinex Partners Up For Your Loss

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Admitting defeat in all their attempts to use actual Bitcoin, Bitfinex announced on their blog yesterday they have decided to resort to more fractional reserve tricks and have hired BnkToTheFuture1 to assist them in their efforts to compensate customers for their socialized losses due to the devastating hack that occurred earlier this month. The announcement stated that BnkToTheFuture "will be providing a Special Purpose Vehicle (SPV) through which qualifying BFX token holders can contribute their tokens in exchange for an equity interest in compliance with their individual jurisdictions". BnkToTheFuture received over USD $70 million in investments from other pretend Bitcoin services such as ShapeShit.io and Uphold. Bitfinex said customers could learn more about this new type of suppository on the BnkToTheFuture blog (archived). Sorry for your loss.

  1. Also spelled "BitcoinBuilderMtGoxCoin Market" ↩

Noodle Bricks Overtaking Smokes As US Prison Currency Standard

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According to a recent report by Michael Gibson-Light, doctoral student at the University of Arizona’s school of sociology, the ubiquitous Ramen noodle pack is fast replacing tobacco as the currency of choice amongst US prisoners. Gibson-Light conducted the study over the course of a year while conducting research for another project, and attributes the rise in value being due to substandard nutrition that inmates are now receiving due to budget cuts in prisons nationwide. Inmates often exchange the soup packs, which cost less than $1 in prison commissaries, for items of much higher value. In the prison where the study was conducted, one pack could fetch an inmate 5 handmade cigarettes worth approximately $2, and other assorted sundries were often valued in soup packs. Other inmates used ramen to pay for such services as laundry or cell-cleaning. Violence has been known to erupt over ramen bought on credit when the noodly debts went too long unpaid. Mr Gibson-Light concluded the study by stating that "The shift from tobacco to ramen highlights how dire the nutritional standards at prisons has become." Gresham's Law bitch! Sorry for your loss.

Fratire Retailer Suffers Pervasive Malware Installation

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Popular fratire retailer Eddie Bauer suffered a pervasive installation of malware that spanned all of its 350 retail locations according to Brian Krebs (archived). This is astounding normal in electronic fiat payment systems. Krebs however has not offered any words on his blog concerning a far graver malfeasance recently uncovered. Sorry for your loss.

Nth French Republic Sending Tourists To Belgium For Death

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In an attempt to ease the pain of the lost business from folks who can no longer stand the stench of the Nth Republic centred in Al-Paris, Brugmann University hospital’s Michele Morret-Rauis wants to assure the world that all is well :

Of course, Belgium is not here to euthanize half the planet.

Of course! If half the planet lived under the unbearable burden of multicultural socialism, then maybe, but thankfully that's not the case, and only Europe and the Americas1 are so offensively afflicted. Nonetheless, "euthanasia tourists" are flocking to Belgium in droves, with assisted suicides doubling to 2`023 in the last five years alone, nearly half of which are French (archived). Rest in Peace in our Time.

  1. Or just ~2/7 billion homo sapiens on Earth. ↩

No Arrests In Drug Drone Prison Crash And Mid-Flight Seizure

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A drone carrying drugs and other contraband crashed near Her Majesty's Prison Pentonville in the United Kingdom on August 13th and later that day a second drone was seized mid mid-flight over the prison (archived). Police allegedly chased a suspicious person away from the prison and recovered drug material he allegedly ditched, but no arrests were made in the case. Peace in our time.

Not Quite News Roundup Xtend 2 (TM)(R)

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Welcome to the second edition of the Qntra Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). These events of the past week happened, but didn't quite qualify as news on their own merits.

  • On Thursday following their acquisition by Univision, Gawker media announced that their former flagship Gawker.com would be shuttered next week.
  • RBS, the largest and most Anglo bank yet to do so announced it would be imposing negative interest rates on select major commercial depositors. Loss happens.
  • Following the news of a serious RNG bug affecting all GPG versions a low energy shitgnome campaign of apologetics and "not that bad" followed.1
  • Ethereum Huffing wank continues. It also was discovered that the "Robin Hood" group of Ethereum scammers dumped their classic ethereum tokens raided from the corpse of the DAO, which definitionally is empty.
  • Darkcoin, a minor altcoin notable for containing a rapid inbuilt hard fork mechanism, is going through another round of pumping in the hotsheets. There has been insufficient interest in this altcoin for anyone to care to challenge any of its past hard forks.
  • Trees near good looking soybean fields2 continue their decline. As harvest nears many corn fields are looking awfully weedy.
  • At the moment all is quiet on the BitfinExodus front.

Sorry for your loss.

  1. Edit: The existene of Phuctor and its factoring of numerous PGP keys of course likely has nothing to do with this, because if the shitgnomes don't talk about Phuctor it must not exist.  ↩

  2. Qntra's favorite altcorn  ↩