Category Archives: Altcoins

Buggered Bitcurex Tries To Selectively Hide SFYL Based On Customer Language Skills

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Polish "Bitcoin exchange" Bitcurex.com1 has announced a 2300 BTC Sorry For Your Loss, finally admitting that the exchange was hacked after a recent spate of technical issues. Naturally, officials with the company have no idea who or how the breach occurred, only stating that on Oct. 13 unknown perpetrators broke into their servers and liberated the 5 million US dollars worth of Bitcoin. The website zaufanatrzeciastrona.pl, which broke the story of the hack, reports that the company has not released any information in the English language leading some to believe they wish to limit the amount of customers seeking refunds due to the theft. The same exchange was also robbed of 18,000 Bitcoin in 2014. Sorry for your loss.

  1. Association with Vircurex is uncertain at this time.  ↩

October Reality Hits: Obamacare Premiums Spiking 25-116% In Last Annual Increase Before Election

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With the mainstream media TRUMPeting the seeming inevitability of Hillary "Clitler" Rodham-Clinton's coronation insurers released their premium increases Obamacare coverage next year. Insurance on Obamacare exchanges is set to increase in cost from twenty-five to one hundred and sixteen percent in a development that nobody could have forseen. The extent to which an individual's Obamacare premium is set to increase is entirely dependent on their location. Further the number of jurisdictions1 in which "marketplace" health insurance coverage is only available from a single provider continues to increase. Enjoy your marketplace of one.

  1. Meaning in this case not which on of the fifty states, but which one of the numerous counties in a particular state.  ↩

Chicom "Internet Of Things" Confirms No One Gives A Fuck About Securing "Internet Of Things"

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Chinese electronics manufacturer Hangzhou Xiongmai Technology has admitted that weak security in its line of webcams and DVRs were the likely culprit for the DDoS attack that left a portion of the internet without service on Friday. The Mirai malware used in the attack likely took advantage of the fact that customers purchasing these products would fail to change their login details from the default settings, and as a result upwards of a half-million devices could be infected. A botnet powered by the same malware is suspected in the 665 Gbps attack that took down Brian Krebs website last month.

Peace On Earth: AdultFriendFinder Data Liberated Again

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Just in time for the coming holiday season, security news site sophos reports that Peace may still be amongst us despite reports an aspect of the notorious quiet and tranquility may have been arrested at the behest of the US government. In an interview with Motherboard last week Peace stated he was responsible for the latest AdultFriendFinder breach, and had given “everything, all [FriendFinder Network],” to other hackers. AFF confirmed this stating:

We are aware of reports of a security incident, and we are currently investigating to determine the validity of the reports. If we confirm that a security incident did occur, we will work to address any issues and notify any customers that may be affected.

Peace further stated to Motherboard that the current breach was accomplished by opening "a backdoor that had been publicized on the hacking forum Hell" The Russian language forum was the site where the data from the previous hack was listed for sale at a price of 70 BTC. Information to corroborate the veracity of his claims was sent to Motherboard, and was verified by an independent security researcher Dan Tentler (WoT:nonperson). Tentler said the files contained employee names, their home IP addresses, and SSH keys used for remote access to AdultFriendFinder's servers.

Him In Our Time.

Not Quite News Roundup Xtend 11 (TM)(R)

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Welcome to the eleventh edition of the Qntra Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). The below events are alleged to have happened, but they are decidedly innocent of newsworthiness.

  • The United States Department of State has rejected offers for international elections observers to oversee the Untied States Presidential election on November 8th. The Department of State was headed by candidate Hillary Rodham-Clinton until she stepped down to focus on her campaign. Traditionally the US Department of State has been a huge fan of sending international observers to oversee other countries elections.
  • A free trade deal between the European Union and Canada is being blocked by the brave Parliament of Wallonia. This French speaking region of Belgium is sticking it to the socialist Merkel led European government in Brussels by executing veto power over the treaty which would end 98% of the current tariffs between Merkel's 4th Reich and Canada. For their bravery the Walloons are being slandered in the mainstream press as "The Detroit" of Europe.
  • Thousands of former members of the United States armed forces who served in the past decades' misadventures in Southwest Asia are being compelled to repay their enlistment bonuses. These financial incentives were used to lure the affected veterans to fight in these wars in the first place as enthusiasm to fight in the desert was low when these bonuses were offered. Apparently all these years later the Department of "Defense" has decided it didn't really need these people fighting after all. This desperate financial move by the Department of "Defense" is not bullish for their ability to attract future volunteers during times where manpower is needed.
  • Donald Trump-Clinton was booed by New York elites at a fundraising dinner for Catholic charities after brining up anti papist positions espoused by Hillary Rodham-Clinton and her advisers in wikileaked communications.
  • ViaBTC continues to both exhibit unwarranted self importance and draw an excess of media attention. The Marshall Long affiliated mining operation bills itself as the "most professional" mining pool.
  • Blockstream is setting a target for this November to activate Jim Crow for transaction signatures.
  • Russia Today had their British bank accounts closed.
  • Accidental gay spat / pussy grabbing at random starlet's home.
  • Hillary Rodham-Clinton's fundraisers were further revealed to despair of ever receiving support from Bitcoin due to the fact the other team takes Bitcoin and the inherently conservative nature of Bitcoin.
  • Ecuador cut off internet access for their guest Julian Assange.
  • In a headline this week CoinTelegraph asked:

    What Stands in the Way of Bitcoin Mass Adoption in Africa?

    The answer continues to be the impossibility of mass adoption. Also Africa.

  • R3, the fiat effort that Mike Hearn quit pretending to be a part of Bitcoin to join admitted it has substantial budget difficulties. For details refer to the third bullet point of this Roundup Xtend (TM)(R).
  • The University of Missouri football team lost their homecoming game against unranked non-conference opponent Middle Tennessee. Last year the University's Board of Curators surrendered to demands placed by members of the football team in order to resolve a strike. The University has been rewarded so far this year with a two win five loss record with no wins in conference play. The 51 points allowed by Missouri were the most against a non-conference opponent at home since 1944.

Sorry for your loss.

Nitrocellulose Recategorized As High Explosive In US Through Quiet Physics Defying Ruling

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The United States government quietly reclassified nitrocellulose, a humble plastic with deflagrating1 explosive properties under certain conditions, as a high explosive (archived). For one hundred and fifty-four years nitrocellulose plastic has safely been used in the production of common household objects including guitar picks and table tennis balls.

The safe, deflagrating failure mode of nitrocellulose also makes it the ideal propellant for ammunition and uniquely useful as flash paper in the magician's trade. As a deflagrating "low explosive" the explosive failure moves as a flame front through nitrocellulose at a speed far below that of sound. By contrast in actual "high explosive" material instead of a slow moving flame front explosive failure occurs with detonation and a shock wave that moves faster than the speed of sound.

Due to the greater hazard and handling requirements associated this reclassification effectively amount to a ban on small arms ammunition though US government Blackshirts insist they will not be enforcing this ban at the present. Coverage of this, even in specialist media, is complicated by noise produced by ongoing masturbatory lobbying over the implications of this change for wetted, non-explosive nitrocellulose rendered safe for bulk transport. Before being used in viable ammunition wetted nitrocellulose must first be dried rendering the masturbatory noise moot for end users.

Him in our time.

  1. Commonly referred to as "low explosive"  ↩

Dyn DNS Suffers Packet Inflation, Many Other "Services" Affected

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Dyn DNS is reporting a large-scale DDoS attack on it's servers this morning, which has caused sporadic interruptions of service for users, mainly on the East Coast of the US. Github, Twitter, and Reddit all use the service as their upstream DNS provider and have reported many outages and total downtime lasting hours. DynDNS president released a statement saying:

This morning, October 21, Dyn received a global DDoS attack on our Managed DNS infrastructure in the east coast of the United States. DNS traffic resolved from east coast name server locations are experiencing a service degradation or intermittent interruption during this time. Updates will be posted as information becomes available.

Upon recognition, active mitigation protocols were initiated and have been working to resolve the issues.

Customers with questions or concerns are encouraged to check our status page for updates and reach out to our Technical Support Team.

No information was available as to whom might be behind the attack, leading to speculation that it may have been launched to protest the recent arrest of an aspect of Peace on Earth earlier this week.

2016 Chicago More Violent Than 2015 Chicago By 1000 Shootings So Far

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The year to date number of shootings in Chicago1 has exceeded last year's number at this time by a full thousand. Chicago achieved this increase in shootings without any documented clashes between Pershmerga and ISIS fighters in city limits though the reliability of the local press is lacking. The news would be bearish peace futures, if they were traded at the Chicago Mercantile exchange.

  1. Also known as Chiraq and Chicagabad due to violence comparable to more publicized war zones.  ↩

Quid Pro Quo And Arkencide – A Special Roundup Xtend(TM)(R)

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On the eve of the final Presidential debate between leftist candidate Donald Trump-Clinton and still more leftist candidate Hillary Rodham-Clinton, a veritable torrent of damaging information has continued to emerge about one of the candidates to muted mainstream response while the other one apparently likes girls to the mainstream's great consternation. Only the finest lulz are presented below:

  • In Hillsborough, North Carolina the local headquarters for the Republican Party1 was firebombed by terrorists. The attack was likely perpetrated by Brownshirts associated with the major socialist party. The terrorists not content to limit their message of hate to a firebomb covered the building with Nazi imagery in a celebration of their brand of Global Socialism as advanced by Hussein Bahamas and Hillary 'Clitler' Rodham-Clinton.
  • A recently set of leaks from the FBI reveals that Clitler aide Patrick Kennedy pressured the bureau to declassify a document emailed by Clinton. This enabled Clitler to hold a press conference and publicly declare her innocence of this particular crime she committed by stating the document is not classified though it was at the time she criminally mishandled classified information. In exchange for declassifying the document the FBI was granted permission to station more of their stooges abroad in a gratuitous example of quid pro quo.
  • Vince Foster, Ron Brown, Former President of the United Nations General Assembly John Ashe, and others known and unknown are still dead.
  • Donald Trump-Clinton's running mate and undisputed winner of the vice presidential debate Mike Pence endorsed Eric Greitens for Missouri Governor today. Greitens' campaign has leaned heavily on his prior employment as a Navy Seal and many of his early campaign ads consisted simply of Greitens firing weapons for the length of the TV spot.2 At present Eric Greitens is the most obvious beneficiary of Missouri Auditor and one time gubernatorial front runner Tom Schweich's untimely death.
  • Numerous women are speaking about Donald Trump-Clinton's alleged sexual advances towards them. These allegations began emerging approximately 4.5 weeks before election day. Though Donald Trump-Clinton has been publicly campaigning for President the past year and a half these allegations for some reason all waited until October to be voiced.
  • Donald Trump-Clinton has ramped up his allegations that this election is rigged in favor of Hillary 'Clitler' Rodham-Clinton. Trump's comments have highlighted the disproportionate mainstream media coverage given to his alleged defects of sexual character while Clitler's criminal actions as a government official which were contrary to the best interests of the United States get glossed over suggesting collusion. Donald Trump-Clinton further opened the question of how much deeper the collusion favoring Clitler's campaign is.

Reich in Peace.

  1. Also commonly known as the GOP, a minor socialist party in the United States.  ↩

  2. This approach has been emulated by major socialist party candidate for the United States Senate seat from Missouri Jason Kander who has taken to firing and field stripping weapons in his television advertisements.  ↩